Yes! all of this! I worked so hard to get to this point as well. Now...I am working harder to help my children as they are coming in contact with the real person their father is. I always felt so bad for him, for not being present, not experiencing the joy of family life like I did. His stories of trauma were traumatizing to me, so I believed them for many years, until I realized that no matter the situation, he was going to be the victim. And...he was never traumatized as a child. He was the favorite, the baby of the family. He was uber-loved. that might be its own trauma, frankly. But, I was the hurt one. I was traumatized by people and ideologies. And I couldn't hurt a fly. I take them outside...lol! So, yes, all of this is amazing and hard lesson after hard lesson to learn. I will never fall into that trap again. But...one thing, I guess...I don't think they know what they are doing. I think they are so sick that they are unable to be conscious about their words and deeds. This is just their MO and what works for them. Its only when their environment changes and asks more of them than their facade of perfection and victimization that their rage emerges in its full glory. And even then, its not their fault. It's your fault. They are unable to see it, because they are unable to be truly introspective. Boy, do I wish I could have medicated that man:) What an easy fix.