Yael, I'm grateful for your raw and beautiful honesty around this topic. I cannot imagine the pain you have endured. So many years, so many years! There is no sense to make out of this, truly. You only have wanted what your heart has wanted. It's fair. And yet, it's not been in the cards in the way you had hoped. Your neices and nephews need you. Your love and support of your sister is so important as well. Being on that side of it is incredibly lonely and exhausting (in another way) as well. Your presence-however you can manage it-is so appreciated. We all needed "that" auntie. Blessings and love to you, sister!