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Why Saying “You Got the Kids. That’s the Most Important Thing”, Doesn’t Work.
It’s just another guilt trip
Every day, when people ask me about how things are going with the eternal divorce, they tell me (when stunned by the fact that I got absolutely nothing in my hands from the courts):
“At least you got the kids. That’s what really matters.”
And somehow, it doesn’t help. At all. I feel like a terrible mom because it doesn’t help. I feel like I should be more grateful than I am.
I was a (mostly) stay at home mom. I homeschooled and worked afternoons/evenings and weekends out of my house. I never didn’t have the kids. I had them during school hours and I had them after school, while I worked. I had them when I made our whole life happen…and dinner, too.
But my ex didn’t fight me-for even one second-for the kids. He handed them to me. I was always going to “get the kids.” However, I wasn’t ever going to get what I needed to care for said kids.
After almost 25 years of putting my life on hold, five years ago I went back to school. My ex had taken 20 of those years for his own schooling, but it had taken a few more years for me to get up the courage to go back. I knew this act of doing something for myself, people would call selfish. And I was…
