Member-only story
When They Never Stop Looking and Talking about It
My ex never stopped looking at women after we married. He never stopped noticing that he was being noticed. He never stopped talking about how “strong” her legs were, how she was built in general, and even commented on our daughter’s bodies. He also never stopped talking about all the precaution he took at school with students and how he thought he was “nothing great to look at”. He told me of the sweet nurses he interacted with while on work trips, making them sound like older, southern women, calling him “honey”.
He talked because he was covering up his desires with words…lots of words. He was covering up his narcissism with talk of insecurities. I know this now. We can’t know until we know…you know? I believed him when he talked about these interactions and how he protected himself at school from the angry feminists that could misinterpret every action of the white male, to his demise. I was uncomfortable when he talked about other women’s bodies, especially when I was pregnant and very ill, and as I watched mine age. It made me not only uncomfortable, but insecure and full of self-doubt.
I realized after too many years that his comments did mean something. I realized that when he moved out and started dating a girl 15 years younger than him: tiny, cute, muscular, no kids, and no desire for kids. They would get in the way, you…
