What Exactly is Home?

And the need to create a new one…

Christina Sophia

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Photo by Olesia Bahrii on Unsplash

We’ve all heard the old adages, the ones that people place on wood and decorate their houses with.

Home is where the Heart is

A House is Made of Brick and Stone, a Home is Made of Love Alone

But this one is most true:

Home is not a place…it’s a feeling

Home, for the past 23 years, has been where my children are. And now that three of the four have left, gone to make beautiful lives of their own, where is home?

As proud as I am of my kids, my heart just aches. It aches every day to be needed, to be wanted like that again. As a mother who stayed home, worked from home, and homeschooled, I had the privilege of seeing my children all day, every day. Yes, I missed things because I was insanely busy, but I did my best to be present.

Home has been wherever they are and continues to be. Home was seeing my kids all together at my son’s house after his wedding. Home was seeing them play with his puppy and eat food from his grill. Home is listening to their banter, their silliness, and watching them pile on top of each other and watch movies. It’s home…and will be for the rest of my life.

However, because that is a rare thing these days, I am searching for a new home…and I am thinking of places that were home to me before they were born.

What is it, to create a new “home”? If home is not a place, but a feeling, how does that make it more possible? How do I find the courage to do that?

Home, in the past, has been the place where I have found bits and pieces of myself. It is a safe place where I got to be myself and stop trying so damn hard to feel like I fit in.

Before my move into town, this place used to feel more like home; when I had my land and my sunrises to wake up to; when my children were home and I was needed; when life felt less liminal and more decisive. My body aches for those times.

Home is belonging, that’s why its a feeling. Home is knowing that people there “get” me…the real me. This is the very reason that being with my children is home. They are the only ones in the world who know the real me and love me anyway.

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Christina Sophia

Exploring my relationship with myself, others and the gods of my childhood. Its all up for grabs. Feeling my way forward everyday.