Thomas, thank you, as always. Your story makes me so sad. You will find your peace with it all as time passes, I am sure. But its still there, causing you pain. Breastfeeding is sure an easier path to intimacy than talking to a spouse about your unhappiness. Whether you or the spouse is the "problem", its the same. I never stopped trying to find a way to be intimate with my then-husband. But not being dependent on him for that hit of oxytocin did help me with my boundaries, little by little. I'm sorry, again, for your pain. There is enough to go around to be sure. Thanks for reading and for your thoughts, good man.