Member-only story
The Wild Edge of Love Series Part 1
A Vision to Help Hold it Together Just a Little Longer
As much as I wish I would have married the right person 27 years ago, I didn’t. I married a selfish man who gaslighted and manipulated me. He taught me on a regular basis how crazy I was among many other self-esteem destroying experiences. He is a wordsmith and his gift in linguistics gets him everything he wants. It always has. To break from him was a process, to say the least.
For over 15 years, I had felt a disconnect from him. My son had been born, we had moved overseas and back, had 3 more children, had put him through 8 years of a PhD program, all the while I homeschooled, juggled bills, kept up with a small homestead, and prayed for our needs to be met.
My life was incredibly beautiful when he was not around. My children were amazing, smart, talented, agreeable (for the most part) and the joy of my life. I loved the farm, I loved homeschooling, and I loved being with them. But I didn’t love feeling like I wasn’t doing enough.
For him, I was never making enough money teaching afterschool music lessons. I wasn’t making enough selling baked goods at farmers markets and to local coffee shops. I wasn’t making enough to justify the time spent, he said. Which now, I translate to, “It’s inconvenient for me when you are too busy to cater to my needs.”
