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The Wild Edge of Love, Part 14
Broken Little Hearts Times 4, the younger two
In some ways, the younger two have suffered less. They have been less confused. They have not needed so much time to process, nor to have the subtle realizations. They have not been allowed them anyway. In other ways, it has been far worse. What they have seen through this divorce has been devastating to them, just as much so as it has been to me. Is it better to experience grief like floodwaters rising from the basements, or a tsunami? I expect I will know more in a few years, after we have all processed this enormous pile of bullshit.
We all have learned, together, who their father was and what he was capable of. As much of a messed-up human as I knew he was, I never could have known we would see the emergence of the selfish, ego-centric human that we have witnessed. It has made me second-guess everything about myself and try to find peace in the realization that I was simply the most naïve and gullible girl on the planet. My girls are thankfully, less so. They are the “sadder, but wiser girls” that I never planned on raising.
For them, it is not easy. But because they did not choose this man to be their father, their grief is more contained. I chose him. And because I chose him, I now get to see my babies navigate the most effed-up life imaginable for them. True, they have incredible support…
