Member-only story
The Wild Edge of Love, Part 13
Broken Little Hearts, Times Four-the Older 2
Up to this point, I have neglected to make much mention about the effects of this horror on my children. The oldest two are pretty pragmatic. Their father and I were never really “married”…to them. We lived a life that did not include him, for the most part. There was no partnership, no companionship…the only positive parts being, having someone to sit at church with us most Sundays and help with the money. A marriage, to my older two, was not this. Both of them, at different times told me this very thing, “it was hard to even see you guys as married, because you never acted like married people are supposed to act.”
As validating as these words were for me, they were heart-breaking. What had I wanted for my children, more than anything in the whole world? I had wanted a cohesive family. I had wanted a father who played ball with them, took them on outings, wanted to volunteer with their activities, and eat dinner with us. It was early on that I realized that those things would not happen. But, in my stubbornness, I never really gave up. Even until last summer, I had hopes that he would start extending himself to them, make plans to be with them, and follow through, after he moved out and realized that he wanted to be a dad. It has never happened.
