Member-only story
The Most Common Response to my Divorce
You would have thought that I would have heard, “Have you guys gone to counseling?” more. But I didn’t. I heard it twice. Once from a new-ish friend and once from a friend who is a psychology prof. No one, NO ONE else said anything like that.
I was floored. I have a family the size of Texas, and none of them had any doubt I was doing the right thing. They had a lot to say, but none of it was negative toward my decision. There was a load of validation from just about everyone. Things I had never known were out in the open; things I never would have guessed about him.
I never had any dirt on him. We were divorcing because we had never been happy since we had had children. It was simple. I saw him miserable and heard him whining all the time. There was literally nothing I didn’t try to make him happy. But, in the end, I could not stick with anything that did not feel authentic and nothing felt authentic in the end, except loving him like a friend. To love him like I was “supposed to” felt gross and dishonest. After years of being blamed for everything bad in his life and being the face of his trauma, I was finished.
What came after the announcement of our split was a big surprise. It was one of those “If I had a penny for…” moments. Women, from all parts of my life, came to me. They told me all kinds of stories about their…
