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The Making of another entitled White Male
Today, as I sat in church, I had a realization. It was not a good one. I talked it through with my boyfriend on the way home. The understanding around the harm done by my marriage hit me in a big way.
For 27 years, I was married to a man who I loved. That love changed over the years, and ended up feeling very platonic and more observational in the end. It was safer that way for me. And that began the end of a marriage.
When I announced my divorce to my family, no one was heartbroken or surprised. Some were relieved. I had no idea that I would not be shamed or blamed for everything. I was used to being blamed for everything. His unhappiness had always been my fault. So, why not now?
I had never loved him like his mother and sisters had thought I should. Somehow, when she handed me The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, I had the strength to give it back to her and tell her, “thanks, I don’t think you know what’s happening here.” I had listened to Dr. Laura’s radio show for years while I cleaned houses and knew exactly what she might suggest.
The guilt I felt today was only mine. I did not take on the responsibility of creating another entitled white male on my own. His family and church cultures both did a crack-up job before I even met him. The “him” I met was pretty well fully formed. He is…
