Thanks for this! My kids and I have had long discussion around what exactly feeds this trait of their fathers. I tried for decades to convince myself that he was a good man, just missing the boat most of the time. He had me convinced that it was all me. But, here we are..and there is now no doubt. Yes, he has lost his power for the most part. They understand better what they need to do, how they need to react, in order to keep themselves safe from his narcissism, but more than that, how to NOT feed it. It is so tricky. I love Gabor Mate, and will look further into his work. I appreciate your words so much!