Member-only story
Living with the Ghost of Benevolent Patriarchy
…after all of these years
Twenty-four hours before the signing of my newly-refinanced mortgage, I received a text from my father, my cosigner.
“I think this mortgage is a really bad idea. The rate is too high. I think you should let me just buy the house and you can pay me back. That will make things easier.”
As any of you might know well, mixing family and money is messy shit. So, I’m not doing it.
For years and years, I listened to men tell me who I was, what was best for me, and what my life should look like. Where did that get me?
It got me married at age 19, four children, no education, no career, divorced and totally broke at age 47. Thanks, guys.
I am not going to say that many of those men didn’t love me. I think most of them did. Some were men I was related to: my father, my grandfathers, some of my church leaders, my parent’s friends, my friend’s fathers.
Some, however, did not love me at all. Some only wanted me around to control and manipulate. But for the most part, I believe I was loved.
So, why is that all the “kind” words they said didn’t produce a woman who could stand on her own two feet, leave an abusive marriage, and make a life for herself? Why did all those “kind”…
