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Sex as Power
Too much to hold back…
I’m reading about eros and the Biblical story today. My readings also take me to ancient Egypt and Mesopotamia, where there is a wealth of poetry about love and love-making. Sexuality and spirituality and how they are interconnected is the topic of this week’s Gender and Bible class. I kinda love this stuff.
As I read, though, I am thinking about my sexual history. I am thinking about the men I have been with and how sex was used as power. But, in preparation for that, I was programmed as a child to believe that sex was something that we only give to people we love, genuinely and whole-heartedly. I have never strayed from that. Ever.
However, when I was taught that, I was taught it as a universal truth — that those who shared that part with me would also genuinely love me. And I that, my friends, has not been the case. Sex has been misused. It has been used to manipulate. It has been used to keep me tied to them, when I should have been free to fly. And I allowed it, in my naivety.
Sex, for me, is a gift. It is a spiritual thing. It is not just one body and another body doing this biologically-driven act. It’s not that simple.
The first time I can remember that my now-ex husband used sex to “claim” me was years before I filed for divorce. But it was also the first time I felt like there was…
