Processing Feelings of Powerlessness and Vulnerability
It’s time they went their merry way
Years and years of overworking, outperforming my own resources, and the effects of high expectations of others have brought me here…to my knees. After DO-ing for everyone, facilitating the lives of my own children, others’ children, and an ungrateful man, and ignoring my own needs for quiet, calm, and downtime, I am wearing a heart monitor.
I’ve had plenty of motivation to be intensely introspective this past almost two weeks. I’ve looked into my past to see when I have felt like this before, how long it lasted, and how I had no choice but to ignore it. I was not in a position to address it. Life, as I knew it, had no means of slowing down.
What I was DO-ing, was essential. Feeding a family, working three part-time jobs, having assignments at church, homeschooling, taking care of the farm, and trying to keep an old farmhouse clean was enough work for three of me…and I am a pretty hard worker.
There was no downtime. There was no sitting and watching movies with my kids. I might have folded laundry and made dinner while they watched…and I laughed along. There were no date nights with my then-husband unless I planned them. And I was so damn tired. Unreasonably so. So that rarely happened. But when it did, I planned a…
