Member-only story
I’m Sick of Processing my Marriage
I wish I were totally ready to move on. I wish I didn’t have to care about all the repercussions of narcissistic abuse. I wish I didn’t have to see my girls cry and hear the grief in the voice of my son on the phone when they talk about their disappointments with their father, his current girlfriend, his “happiness”, and their vast amounts of confusion. I wish my body, heart and mind could bounce back. I wish resilience was something I could see happening in real time.
Just when I think I am ready to talk about something else, I am again slapped in the face with the reality that this is not over. It is never really going to be over. I didn’t break the cycle soon enough and my children will be facing their grief and pain around this for the rest of their lives as well. They will make choices with this trauma in their bodies, and I will be there for them and help them make it okay (along with their therapist).
Yes, they will have good lives. They did before and they will continue to. They will be happy enough, successful enough, and be loved. They have always been loved. The greatest blessing is that their father was absent 99% of the time. The damage done to them by him is minimal, but was lived out through me as well. They had a somewhat neurotic mom. I know because I will never forget.
