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If I’d Just Walked Away
Leaving a narcissist is not the same as “regular” divorce
I know, looking back and wondering about things is a waste of time. But, sometimes it is also good for determining future decisions. I don’t plan to get married again, so I don’t plan to get divorced again, either.
But sometimes, regardless of the waste of energy, I wonder if I should have just let him have everything. When he blew up our divorce, he demanded everything. And he ended up getting everything he demanded, including making me pay for my own lawyer. The ruling was precedent-setting for a homeschooling, SAH mom.
I have all of the debt of the marriage, having refinanced the house to the hilt to pay him off, half his doctorate, and my lawyer. Had I just let him have everything he asked for, would I be here?
Yes and No.
The good thing about just letting him have everything and moving on would have been that the number of lawyer’s fees would have been much, much less. I paid about 28K out in the end. At the point of the email that blew up my world, I was only out 4K.
Another pro would have been less of an assault to my nervous system. Had I just “turned the other cheek”, I wouldn’t have had to go to mediation and court four times over. Court was a shitshow, taking every ounce…
