I love that you are able to write to help process this grief. There are so many layers of it! It's all true, and not true in the same breath, you know? If you had children, you would have different concerns and feelings of helplessness, to be sure. But, these are yours, and I honor them, entirely. I cannot imagine all of the quiet moments you have not written about, all of the secret little ceremonies that have spawned from this grief . You are doing the hard work, sister. Thank you for allowing us to witness just a portion of it. Love to you!