I hear in this that you are just as sick of being "special" as I am. I am so sorry. I totally get it. Is today the day that the pain in my belly, my armpit, my chest...means something more than it did last time I was at the doc? Self-care and visiting doctors is a part-time job and will be for the rest of my life and it is irritating as hell. It is interesting to see how other people's bodies just have "more" in them, can withstand more stress, more whatever. I totally understand your feelings of failure as well. That my body let me down...yet again. It's so hard. Hugs to you, sister. We are definitely not in this alone.