I have seen the sun. I have felt it. I simply feel stunted atm and don't quite know how to get back "there".

I'm sick of the story and I don't want to be part of it anymore. But, everything reminds me that I am. My children, all four of them. The bills that come every month that I am (by court order) responsible for. The fact that I don't have the funds to live in my own home. I am sick of the story.

I don't want him back. Nothing like that. There were no wonderful days to go back to. However, I'd like to have the chance at my own life, without carrying around his baggage. (children are not baggage, they are life-savers for me).

It will be years and years before I get my feet under me. And it is a terrifying time for me...wondering if anything will ever turn out like I desperately need it to. I am hopeful, yet exhausted by it all.

Sorry for the Monday morning rant!!