I feel deeply all you are saying. I feel a great loss as well, even though I fight it with all of me. I have 4 amazing children and it feels really, really bad when I think of all of the years I lost being married to their father, the goals and dreams I had when I married, him, the trajectory I had at that time, and where I am now...at the beginning again, exhausted and completely without any financial stability. I don't regret the kiddos at all, and I never want that to go through their minds, but the loss is real, very real!