I am so grateful for your raw and honest assessment of yourself as you wrote this. I agree...the yes, and quality of this question is important. We need to realize that what we have is maybe all we will ever get, but that it is, indeed, wonderful. It is almost impossible to wrap our heads around this as mere mortals.

Is the grass greener. No. The grass is different. ANd there are bald spots here just as there were on the other side. However, real is wherever we actually are. Consciously, decidedly we choose or we choose not to. It is true. Do we do our lives fully in whatever place we find ourselves.

I think this is why I live without regret. No matter the shit I have lived through, I did my absolute best at all times. There was no other way and there certainly was no numbing the loneliness, the anger, the neglect, and the grief of loss of everything I had ever hoped for for myself. It was gone and remains so. However, it was real. No doubt I became more and more real in the process. Else, why would it hurt so much to grieve the betrayal, the loss, the lies of that life?

You are a beautiful person. Please write some about that and tag me so I don't miss it! I want to read more about it. Thank you so much for your amazing response.